


Three Broken Words

by ThatDamnKennedyKid



Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: M/M, wontaek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 15:17:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5790457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatDamnKennedyKid/pseuds/ThatDamnKennedyKid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was Leo's birthday.</p><p>Ravi had spent all of the previous day looking for the prettiest flowers, gotten up early that morning so he could look his best and had made sure he was the first in line at the coffee shop so he could get Leo's favourite morning treats. </p><p>Now, all that is left is the walk to the cemetery.</p><p>(Cross-posted from AFF)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Angel Should Never Touch Ground

As soon as Wonshik hit the sidewalk, Hakyeon appeared. 

"You shouldn't do this." He murmured, auburn hair shining in the autumn sun. "It's not healthy."

He could only smile. "You haven't been N in six years and as much as I respect you, hyung, you're not my leader anymore."

Hakyeon huffed. "I should be. You look like you need my help."

He knew Hakyeon was bluffing him - he hadn't cried in the last week, had even made sure that he ate regularly enough to keep up his body weight and worked out enough to make sure that what he passed off as 'meals' didn't go directly to his gut. To top it off, his makeup was impeccable, his suit pristine and his hair washed and dyed a shimmering blue-black. "I don't know what you're talking about."

The elder let out a deep sigh, casting his eyes to the ground in resignation. "We're all worried about you, not just me. Sanghyuk, Hongbin, Jaehwan - you're one of us, too, you know. But you're just like Taekwoon." He smiled ruefully, some flash of aching hidden beneath his long bangs. "Will you at least tell him I say hi?"

"Absolutely. I never fail."

"Be careful, Wonshik." Hakyeon hugged him tightly once before hiding behind his hair once more and vanishing into the sidewalk crowd. 

* * *

The leaves were faling this time of year, but the willow tree's vines were still green and flush with the remnants of summer. The blanket laid out on the ground was white, like his suit. His back rested on the trunk of the tree, but his arm was slung over a modest chunk of black and white marble. 

"I'm sorry it's been so long, Taekwoonie." Wonshik sighed, settling back into the groove he'd created in the young tree. "I've been doing a lot of track mixing and songwriting lately for Hakyeon and Hongbin. Did I tell you they've decided to pair? VIXX HN. I thought it was kinda clever, because both of their names start with H and end with N."

A gentle breeze rustled the willow vines and his smile brightened. 

"Yeah. Their mood is really bright. Almost offensive, honestly. It kinda feels like they're trying to get back to trainee days. Oh, that's right! The boys send their love. Hakyeon especially. And your mother dropped by my place last weekend to give me something."

He fished a silver locket out of his shirt. 

"YOu never told me about this, let alone that you had a picture of me in it. Crushing on me even back then, huh? Well, I can understand. I am wonderful, after all. I brought you that terrible coffee you like from that shop near our house. I think their sugar donuts are declining though. The shop's been a wreck lately. I guess without their daily customer, they just don't know how to pay the bills. As it was, the owner gave this to me for free."

He remembered the guilt-ridden look on the old man's face.  _"I'm too old to run this place anymore and none of my children want it. I don't think I'll be open for much longer."_  The look in his eyes told had told the ex-rapper everything he'd needed to know. 

Without his permission, the tears started to come. 

"I don't know what I'm going to do." He hung his head, fighting back the oncoming wave. "I don't know anywhere else still open where you liked the coffee and donuts like you did there. I don't know where I'll go for next time . . . "

He set the paper cup down next to the marble stone and moved the donuts there as well. His other hand clenched tighter around the locket. 

"I'm such a mess. It's been six years now since VIXX broke up, you know that? Six years. That means it's been ten since . . . and I never told you anything. Did I tell you that it was my alcoholism that broke up the group?" He let out a bitter laugh. "Probably not. I was ashamed then and I am now. I drank myself stupid whenever I wasn't practising or performing. I even stopped writing songs and composing. It was . . . Hongbin, actually, who sat me down and told me that VIXX was ending. That they couldn't deal with me anymore. Not professionally like that. God, I remember how cold he looked, how disappointed in me . . . "

He sniffed and dabbed at his eyes. 

"I could have sworn I saw your face when I was staring at him. The  _betrayal_  I could see . . . I think that hurt me most of all. I've been sober since then, and slowly VIXX has come back together in sub-groups, like HN. They got me in to rap on a couple pieces, but it's not the same. When I edit the songs, I delete myself from them. They look at me funny, and I know that they know, but they don't comment on it. I'm almost pitifully grateful for that. I don't . . . I'm not ready to deal with it, yet. I'm not ready to deal with it at all."

The breeze stilled, the willow falling silent. Clouds passed over the sun. One of the flowers in the bouquet, a bright yellow mum, faded to a sickly beige.

"I know what you're thinking. I let you down. I know that. And I am so, so sorry. I just . . ." He sighed again, leaning over to rest his head on the cold stone. "This isn't the same, you know. I can't feel the gentle give of your shoulder, the softness of your hands, the wisps of your hair. I don't feel you anymore in bed, can't wrap myself around you, kiss you, hug you,  _love_  you. You knew that, right? That I love you? I'm never going to stop."

Leaves swirled around the border of the willow, dancing the the same colourful array as Taekwoon's hair had been during their time as VIXX. 

He smiled. "There's so much I want to tell you. Remember our old neighbour? The snotty kid who moved to Seoul? He's a major idol now. Came back to see his mom and ran into me in the hallway. He's still short, though, which was pretty funny."

* * *

He had already taken off all of his makeup, because he knew it was only going to ruin the suit, and that was one thing he wouldn't have. He'd married the love of his life in this suit and he would be damned is anything other than his happy tears on their wedding day would mar it. 

"I miss you so much." He finally hiccuped out, arms wrapped tightly around his knees. "I miss everything about you. Your smell is gone from the house, your clothes are all packed away - Hakyeon made sure - and Hongbin repainted the apartment. It's nothing like your old topes and calm earthen browns. It's too bright there now, so far from what I see and what I feel. But your suit, the black one from our wedding, that's hung up in it's plastic still, exactly where you left it."

He hiccupped some more, trying to breathe, talk and cry all in one motion.

"I still have all of your books, and I read them all the time. I have your phone, and I listen to your music there. I almost died when I thought I lost it the other day. I wanted to crawl here and die. I wanted to sob my apologies into your shirt and feel your arms, hear your voice tell me that it's okay, that phones are easy to come by and you can have me download the songs again later."

He wiped his eyes and cleaned up his face a bit, leaning against the stone once more. 

"It's been a decade and it's taken me this long to come to terms with the fact you're dead." He slowly shook his head. "Hongbin was right. Falling for you is permanent."

His phone startled the peaceful serenity of the early fall day. If it hadn't been for Hakyeon's call, it's quite likely Wonshik wouldn't have noticed the creeping dusk until nightfall was upon him. He let it go to voicemail. Seconds later it vibrated with a text. 

**I don't want to interrupt you, but I need you to help mix this song. I can't do it alone and the CEO's crawling up my back. Text me when you're recovered. - Hakyeon**

With a wobbly heave, Wonshik got himself to his feet, carefully setting aside the cold coffee and unopened donut.

"Well, I'm sorry, Taekwoonie. Duty calls. Not that you'd ever want me to waste a whole day like this crying over you." He cracked a watery smile, but kept the tears back. "I love you and that will never change."

* * *

"Wonshik!"

He opened his eyes and immediately sat up, only to be caught in wiry but strong arms. "Taekwoonie?"

"What the hell are you doing here?" His hushed voice was tilted with anger. His brows, too, were furrowed.

"Where is here?"

The immense white bloomed around Taekwoon, but his dark hair locked his gaze firmly on Taekwoon's face. Taekwoon's fierce eyes softened. "Somewhere you have no right to be."

"What do you mean?"

Taekwoon gently cupped his face and kissed him, long, slow and gentle. "I need you to make me a promise, Wonshikkie."

"Anything."

"Live your life properly from now on, okay? I haven't left you. I watch you all the time, I hear you when you talk to me. I'm just waiting for you here now, instead of there."

"Woonie, what-"

Taekwoon's slender finger laid itself over his lips. "Promise."

"I promise."

"Good." He backed up until he was just out of arm's reach, running his hands through his hair. "I'll be waiting for you, but don't you dare come back here until it's time. Now wake up, Shikkie. This is no way for my Ravi to be."

"Taekwoon, wait!" The impression of his Taekwoon's beautiful face, his Leo, faded from his eyes. "Taek-"

* * *

"-woon!"

He jolted up and immediately regretted it. Not only did all the tubes hooked into his body yank him back, his body felt like it was on fire and the machines he was hooked up to made his headache exponentially worse. 

"Wonshik!" Almost immediately, Sanghyuk had him wrapped in his arms.

"He just got hit by a bus, Hyuk! Give him some space!" Hongbin chastised, pulling the maknae off the ex-rapper. 

"I . . . What?"

"You got hit by a bus, stupid." Hakyeon chastised, but the relief on his face took the venom from his words. "I'm happy you're okay."

Wonshik laid back down, letting out a sigh of relief when the pain in his muscles eased. "I'm sorry."

"My recording can wait." Hakyeon looked almost angry at the apology. "Your health is more important."

"Regardless."

"That doesn't mean I'm finishing this without you, so you better get well soon!"

He laughed and hid the wince that followed. "Wouldn't dream of holding you up."

Hongbin raised an eyebrow at him. "Why do you look like getting hit by a bus gave you an epiphany?"

"When I'm all better, I want to talk about restarting VIXX."

The other four looked amongst each other. "Without Taekwoon?"

He couldn't hide the wince this time, but Taekwoon's touch was still tingling on his face. "I'm sure he's watching."

 

 


	2. Space Above, Freefall Below

"Remember when he used to have to dye his hair that colour?"

"You're not funny, Hyuk."

"You're just old."

"Idiot."

"Hey!"

Hakyeon rubbed his temples, but smiled. Jellyfish had assigned him the role of leader with VIXX, but perhaps didn't see it following him this long into his life.

"It's still kinda crazy how long VIXX went on, isn't it?" Hongbin interrupted, thoughtfully looking out the window. Jaehwan and Sanghyuk cocked their heads at him, but Hakyeon understood. 

"Well, after Wonshik got hit by that bus . . . It was like we got him back."

"Got who back?"

Hongbin shuffled over, crushing Sanghyuk agianst the window more. "Why, our wonderous Ravi, of course."

The man snorted, white bangs falling over his eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

Hongbin shrugged. "Fine, don't believe me."

Wonshik looked to Sanghyuk, assessing him for a moment before he coughed. "You changed the radio in my car last time I drove you home."

"Did I?" He tapped his finger against his chin. "What did I leave it on?"

"One of the channels that plays old music. From our debut days."

The younger man went white. "I . . . did?"

Wonshik just nodded, eyes fixed somewhere behind Sanghyuk, though a small smile came to his lips. "They played  _Beautiful Liar._ "

Hongbin raised an eyebrow. "Is that a bad thing?"

His smile widened. "Not at all. I just forgot how beautiful his voice was."

Hongbin smiled wanly, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "After all this time, you still miss him like he died yesterday."

"Did I ever tell you about the dream I had after I was hit by the bus?"

It was Hakyeon's turn to raise an eyebrow. "You had a dream?"

He smiled again and nodded. "I saw him again. He was the one that told me to reassemble VIXX. He wanted me to keep creating music. When I went home after the hospital released me, I started cleaning. I cleaned up all of the small things that were his, donated things that I didn't need to keep. But I found a box in the basement full of his old songbooks."

Jaehwan and Sanghuk exchanged glances. Hongbin and Hakyeon were staring him down. "And?"

Wonshik grinned, and for a moment, he looked like he was back in the Hyde video. "I used them."

"Didn't the CEO always tell Taekwoon-ah that his songs were too dark? How did you sneak them in?" Sanghyuk asked.

Wonshik shrugged, the grin stretching wider. "One or two an album never hurt anyone. Not to mention the specials I did. His lyrics were never meant to be rapped, though. That was a little difficult to maneuver."

Hakyeon took a steadying breath. "Did I sing a lot of them?"

"I gave you the parts he would have sung." He dipped his head a little bit. "I kept the darkest stuff for myself, but he had a surprising amount of happy-er songs as well. Those were the ones I gave VIXX."

"Do you have a lot of them still?"

"I haven't made it through three books yet. He had fifteen of them." Wonshik leaned back in his seat, but he didn't seem upset.

"What do you think about his work?" Hongbin asked, casting him a glance from the side as he sipped his tea.

"I never liked the dark themes, you know that. I never would have written something like  _Blossom Tears_  or even wanted to perform it. But . . . I have to say that it soothed my soul to know that even without singing on them or being there physically with us, that Taekwoon was still a part of VIXX to the end."

Jaehwan ducked his head, trying to discreetly halt his tears. Sanghyuk let his fall, resting his head on Hongbin's shoulder. 

Hakyeon's smile was watery as he reached across the table, taking one of Wonshik's hands in his own. "Thank you, Ravi."

"Hey, you're the leader. You can't be worrying about us all the time, right? Besides, we never did take Leo out of the members lists."

Hakyeon hiccuped a laugh. "No, we didn't."

"Cheer up, hyung." Wonshik laughed, ruffling his aged white hair. "It's been a life well lived, I'd say."

"To Taekwoonie." Hongbin riased his tea.

"To Taekwoon-hyung." Sanghyuk and Jaehwan mirrored, riasing their cups as well. 

"To Taekwoon-ah." Hakyeon followed after a brief pause.

Wonshik met their eyes and grinned. "To our Leo."

Their cups clinked and Wonshik turned thier nostalgia trip into a discussion of how Bigbang were going on a world tour,  _again_ , and whether G-Dragon's hair was a different shade of vibrant pink since the last time he'd made an appearance.

* * *

Hakyeon looked up when Hongbin closed the door, but was surprised to find him alone. "Where's Wonshik?"

Hongbin took a few deep breaths facing the door before he entered the living room, gently setting down a yellowed lyricbook with the tidy, but tiny writing that had belonged to Taekwoon and the hasty, massive scribbling that belonged to Wonshik.

Sanghyuk and Jaehwan had stopped fussing over their Jenga game and were silently looking between the two. Hakyeon ignored them, meeting Hongbin's eyes for a moment before he picked up the book.

_Shikkie can never keep his hands to himself . . .How does Hakyeon deal with him?_

Underneath was pasted a picture of Wonshik hiding how he was groping Taekwoon from the camera, though the smirk on his youthful face was more obvious than the action itelf. Beneath that was another image of Taekwoon and Hakyeon being assaulted by the other four's aggressive happiness. Taekwoon was shrinking in on himself, but Hakyeon had such a look of exhausted resignation that he felt bad for his past self. He remember that day and it made him cringe. 

_Hakyeon looked like he wants to die. Send help for the hyung line._

He couldn't help but bark out a laugh. It'd been so long since he'd been the subject of Taekwoon's dry, shy humour. 

On the next page were printouts of selfies, one for each member. 

_Hyuk's so excited for this tour. It's nice._

_Hongbin's done with being a VIXX Girl. Hehe, it's fun to watch._

_Hakyeon's hair is so nice in this picture. I should tell him do it like that more often._

_Jaehwan . . . What are you even doing?_

_You look constipated, Wonshik. Goodness, he can't even take a picture . . ._

The last one was a picture of Taekwoon himself, taken in a quiet moment. He was curled up in an armchair, but was smiling brightly. The commentary underneath made Hakyeon want to cry.  _The fans really like it when I smile. I think I'll try to do it more._

Hakyeon bit his lip but kept flipping the pages. Gradually, more and more of Wonshik's writing appeared too.

_He asked me to marry him . . . Goodness, I said yes. Sorry Mom. :/_

**You didn't tell me you had a journal! I'm going to sneak in notes like this all the time!**

_Wonshik, no! Leave this book alone!_

**But you don't even use it for lyrics. All this time I thought you were writing, but you're documenting us! So secretive, Woonie!**

_Yes, so hush. Go start your own journal if you like this one so much._

Professional proofs, selfies, fan cams, SNS posts, even their wedding invitation. One of the pages was a sketch done by Wonshik of Rovix hovering over the members, the basis picture still tucked into the spine. They were in a semi-circle, arms around each other's shoulders, laughing. Even Taekwoon, who was usually so reserved, was almost crying he was laughing so hard on Hongbin's shoulder. 

_I hope this never ends._

The next picture was of Taekwoon's open grave. 

~~**So did I.** ~~

The next pages were empty. Hakyeon flipped through anyways, coming across a piece of paper, folded in half, tucked into the spine. It, too, was yellowed and fragile. On top of it was a note written by their old manager. 

**You should read it, Wonshik.**

**I got Taekwoon killed.**

Hakyeon opened it.

**Coroner's Report**

**Subject: Jung Taekwoon**

**Age: 32**

**Incident Record: Involved in a one-vehicle car accident. One other vehicle occupant: Kim Wonshik. When police arrivied on-scene, the vehicle was wrapped around a light post on the driver's side, trapping Jung within. Kim was retrieved unharmed. Jung was recovered from vehicle with blood running down his face from his ears and nose and with small, topical glass lacerations along his face and shoulder. He was rushed to hospital. During the investigation, Kim claimed that he and Jung were involved in an intense argument when the accident occurred.**

**Cause of death: Brain hemmoraging caused by an untreated brain aneurysm.**

**Findings: The crash was a result of Jung's physical condition, not any emotional distress. The hemmoraging caused a stroke, wherein Jung promptly lost control of the vehicle and they crashed.**

Hakyeon folded the paper once more and safely tucked it back into the book, closing it as well before setting it back on the table. He met Hongbin's eyes and the other man only solemnly nodded. 

"In the back of the book there's one more picture." Hongbin said softly. "It's the selfie we took last week, at the coffee shop. When he told us about his accident dream."

Hakyeon blinked. 

"Taekwoon's pictures stop two days before the accident." Hongbin whispered, nervously flexing his hands. "It's strange to go from that VIXX to that group of five old men."

Hakyeon swallowed past the lump in his throat. "Where's Wonshik?"

"I thought he was asleep when I entered his apartment." Hongbin pursed his lips and lowered his head. 

"And?" Snaghyuk prompted at a whisper. 

Hongbin's hand was trembling as he used it to cover his eyes, shaking his head. His voice was no less shaky. "I need you to help me make the arrangements."

* * *

A warm breeze blew over his body, bringing with it the weight of salt and sea. He could hear feathery linen curtains gently fluttering on the wind and the cotton sheets around his body ease the warmth of the day through. The muted roar of the waves echoed through the open window. He almost wanted to open his eyes, but the pillow and the mattress were just too soft against him. 

Suddenly, but not startlingly, fingers started carding through his hair. They were long, thin and careful, gentled by affection. 

The pillow shifted and he made a noise of protest. Someone just above him released a laugh as light, shy and airy as the breeze itself.

"I'm sorry, Shikkie, but my legs are falling asleep."

Blearily he opened his eyes, looking up to the serene face of Taekwoon. His black hair shone with the same depth a sa sapphire and his smile was whiter than the partially opened dress shirt he was wearing. 

"Hello." He cooed, fingers running through the white-blonde strands they were tangled in. 

"Taekwoonie?"

A hummed chuckle came from him. "I told you I'd wait."


End file.
